PETERBOROUGH, NH—Clearing their throats as they hovered over you from behind, the nation’s quiet weirdos confirmed Thursday that they had…
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WASHINGTON—Saying the country’s entire adult population would automatically be entered for a chance to win, officials at the U.S. Census…
Read More »The Academy did not nominate Greta Gerwig or Margot Robbie for best director or actor, respectively, for Barbie despite its…
Read More »WASHINGTON—Stating that it was as easy to prepare 330 million helpings as one, President Joe Biden announced Thursday that he…
Read More »According to exit polls, Donald Trump took New Hampshire over Nikki Haley in the Republican primaries, showing strong support from…
Read More »ATLANTA—In a partnership with the Ad Council to educate the nation about the strange fleshy organs beneath their pants, the…
Read More »CHICAGO—Saying she had learned what to look out for after years of being single, local woman Laura Powers reported Friday…
Read More »NEW YORK—Standing before a crowd of millennials, Gen Xers, and baby boomers, members of Generation Z announced at a press…
Read More »PARKVILLE, MO—The patient having passed his annual checkup with flying colors, a visit to the doctor Wednesday confirmed that everything…
Read More »No matter how vacuous and empty a man’s brain is, his life partner should always be dumber. The Onion asked…
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